I Am Enough, and So Are You.

This photo was taken 6 days before mom passed away. To look at her I would never know the end was coming.  I thought there would be more time, I always thought there would be just one more day. So many times there were-until there were not.  

Some people say the animals sense these things. Mom was ALWAYS Herk’s person, so it didn’t strike me as odd that he followed her around driving her crazy.   She was getting tired and spent a lot of time on this couch. She would sit on one side and he would sit on the other. I always said I didn’t want him on the furniture, but I had long since given up because he brought mom peace and she deserved that. 

Through the years whenever mom would go to the hospital, Herk would stop eating and would sit and stare out the window waiting for her to come home. When she had extended stays he lost weight, didn’t want to eat, and wouldn’t even lift his head to be petted.  In her final days I often found him laying at her feet curled up. Waiting. 

On moms last night when everyone else left,  I took Herk to her bedside. He climbed up next to her and laid his head on her chest for a few minutes. He put his head by her hand, but it didn’t budge. I felt like he knew the time was coming.  He surprised me when he jumped down and came over to sit with me in the chair. He sat on my feet and looked devastated. 

In the days after mom died, Herk didn’t sleep. He started chewing the walls, peeing everywhere and growling at me. He finally transitioned into being depressed. One day I found him on her side of the couch passed out. I just watched him sleep wondering if I would be able to.  

One of moms dying requests was that I “take care of Herk and make sure I get him the “good food”. I kept my promise. On days when I didn’t even want to get out of the bed I would tell myself over and over “Herk needs to pee” and I would will myself into the cruel world.  He was my motivation. I am so tremendously grateful he was here.   

When Herk died, I knew I couldn’t take looking at that  empty couch, so I single handedly dragged the couch and it’s matching loveseat out to the curb. I actually still haven’t replaced them. 

I have recently  come to find that my vision and mission and goals are my motivation.  I’m not raising a child, taking care of an ailing parent, or making sure the dog gets walked. It’s just me. It’s been a HUGE life pivot. People ask me almost daily when I’m getting another dog. They always seem surprised when I say that I’m not. Herk gave me what I needed in that moment and I loved him endlessly, but my needs are different now. 

It’s time to normalize living life for me.  It’s ok to set and works towards my personal goals. It’s ok to let people get to  know “just me” not as someone’s daughter,  or mother,  or wife, or girlfriend or in relation to a pet.  It’s ok for me to show up by myself without explanation of where someone else is. The Mandatory Positive is that I am enough, and so are you! 

What is your motivation ? Are you looking at reframing or pivoting.  Check out my Personal Development YouTube Series Strategic Planning Your Life and get tips on creating your vision, developing a mission statement, considering your core values and developing a plan of execution!   

 You only get one life, you might as well live it well!