Perspective in 13.1 Miles

Today's race did NOT go accourding to plan. I have not been in the best of headspaces and running/walking in the gloom didn't appeal to me, but it was on the schedule. Exercise in general can be exhausing to the anemic, but I press on. I had a decent start with the pacer and a small group. I had hope for a good outcome and then it happened. I somewhow twisted my foot wrong. I figured it would work itself out-it did not. I stopped to massage it and that did not work either. I got sad when I could no longer see the pacer in sight and even more discouraged as more and more people passed me by. I went from fearing I'd be dead last to fearing I couldnt finish. At one point I had a shooting pain with every step. It got so bad I didn't think I could go on. I finally asked for help at a water station. The volunteer told me my only alternative would be for them to call 911. There was NO WAY I was going to stay there as an ambulance came to take me away. I hobbled on. The racing community wants so bad to support everyone. I was offered gu and candy and cheers. It's very hard to hear toxic positivity when you're in pain. Just as I saw the end in sight, people started yelling out "Run in, finish strong! I hobbled for the last stretch. They were disappointed, they meant well. I grabbed my banana and tried to take some cheerful selfies before the rain started to fall on the after-race festivities. It was only THEN I realized I was parked 1/2 mile away. The sadness of the events kicked in while I hobbled to the car and lasted while I drove home. An hour later while still cloaked in grief, I saw a missed voicemail from my brother. He was calling to tell me his 50 something year old friend at the nursing home fell and was taken to the hospital. It was only then that I realized I was upset over some stupid race and my 52-year-old brother is sitting in a nursing home confined to a wheelchair. I was sad, but despite rain and heartache and pain I had just completed a half marathon! What was I complaining about!!? It's been a while since I blogged or shot YouTube videos or any of this. It dawned on me that I have been so down I forgot to look for the mandatory positive. This is my life motto and I forgot! I'm sharing my little epiphany because maybe you need a reminder too! Even when it's raining in life, there are little pockets of Sunshine! Now, que those selfies!

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