All The Things I Didn't Ask. Writing Prompt Week 8


 




WRITING PROMPT WEEK 8: Think about someone you've lost. If you could ask them anything right now, what would it be? 


In my lifetime I have lost many people close to me. My grandmother, my mother, several aunts and uncles, a few friends, and even a baby during my sixth month of pregnancy. I know loss. I often day dream about what life would be life if these people would still be here. Would I have had the courage to step out on faith and I try the new things I’ve tried? Would I have shared grief and encouraged others to share? Would I have checked in with people who’ve lost their mothers, if I wouldn’t have lost my own?

When my mom was dying, we had many conversations about all kinds of things. Some of them gave me hope, and some of them broke my heart. I feel like I didn’t truly get to know her for all she was until she broke down some things in her life that she never planned to share. It told me so much about her. A part of me will forever be sad that I didn’t get to know this part of her sooner. The other part is grateful that I got to know it at all. I’m sure this would shock many people, but I would not choose her to ask questions. She did not go gently. She suffered, and was in pain and despite it all, she was so sad for me. I would never want her to have to see me say goodbye to her twice. I want her to remain in peace and I am confident that she told me all she needed to say.

If I were to have an opportunity to talk to someone who had passed away, I would select my paternal grandmother.  Despite her being alive after I was born, we never met. Sadly, due to other people’s life decisions, she never even knew I was in the world.  I don’t know anything about her. Her favorite color, her favorite food. I don’t know if she was a bible thumper, or if she cussed a little. I never heard the stories of how my father was as a little boy, or if she had unfulfilled dreams. Could she sing? Did she write? Was she a performer? Would she have liked me?

Now in all fairness, there are members of my family that could answer these questions. I’m sure if I called my father right now, he would probably be thrilled to tell me all about her. I’m not sure why I haven’t asked. Perhaps because I know it will just be the catalyst to more questions and I’m not ready for anything else that could make me sad. I’m tired of being sad. I just want some good things.

So today, rather than dwell on the sorrow of those I can’t talk to, I will focus on those I can. There are so many people who are alive and in the world who love when someone reaches out to them just to say hello. I think I will do that right now! 

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