Silence Hurts. Writing Prompt week 5








Something didn’t feel right in my soul for YEARS. Every time I looked at him it was off and I noticed he didn’t make eye contact with me.  He was getting sick all the time because the rest of his body couldn’t ignore it  like his brain did. 


I hated myself for being silent, but my mind could not deal with the pain that was going to be released when I opened my mouth so I kept it shut.  I thought tiny cuts every day  would be less painful than the gaping wound of a harsh stab.....


I was wrong.  Bleeding out slowly was much worse. The tiny cuts were everywhere and the salt poured in those wounds meant there was no OK anywhere.    I hated myself for wasting my time, for not dreaming, for losing hope, for letting him steal my joy, my money, my time,  my light. I hated myself and I just wanted to die.  


The Mandatory positive is that I don’t anymore. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Storytime: I Almost Ruined My Belly Dancing Competition Experience

Image
Last February I went to a friends performance of "So you think you can Belly Dance?". I don't think I had ever seen authentic belly dancing at that point-not in person anyway. It was one of those things you see in the movies. I thought of it as flirtatious and provocative, kind of like burlesque or exotic dancing. It was DEFINITELY not something I ever saw myself doing in public! I had played around a little with the YOUTUBE videos during lock down, but it was in the comfort of my own living room. I was immediately surprised when I saw the opening scene at the competition that night. There were participants of all ages, body types and walks of life. The dances were flirtacious and fun and entertaining. The dancers inspired the audience to move and let go. Although there were some sensual moves, it wasn't risque or "seedy". My friend came out and not only rocked it, she won! (Yay Nina). It was then that she said something CRAZY-Alisha you should do the next ...
Read more

The History of Mandatory Positive

Image
Years ago I was a broke college student and single mother to an infant. At times life seemed overwhelming, impossible and hopeless. I felt like I would never graduate, and I was stuck in an endless cycle of working, writing papers, being a mom, taking care of home, and trying to not to get something shut off. I realized every time someone asked how things were going, I would have to fight hard not to cry, complain or pass out in exhaustion before I squeaked out “fine”   One day when my daughter was around three she saw me crying. She put her head in my lap and looked sad herself.  I realized if I continued to lean into that feeling of despair, she would grow up without a single moment of joy in her childhood. I made a vow at that moment to try to focus on any possible silver lining to the dark clouds that seemed to be my life-the “Mandatory Positive.”  As she became older, I challenged my daughter to identify the mandatory positive in bad situations. We continue to do so ...
Read more

Decluttering and Upcyling from Vintage Crystal Lamp to Apothecary Jar- Pintrest Success!

Image
Do you have stuff just taking up space in your house? I have spent this past year trying to minimize the clutter in my home. I have sold, given away and thrown away over 25% of my possessions.  One of the hardest things for me to discard has been my lead crystal collection. I have been a bit of a hoarder when it comes to lead crystal over the years. (See my Youtube video on this subject here: Confessions of a Hoarder .   I love crystal lamps, but given that I don't live in a mansion, 12+ lamps are not necessary.  As I tried to think about ways to repurpose my sparklies, I remembered seeing a video a while back about someone turning their vintage lamps into apothecary jars.  I thought I would try this out with one of my mine. I like how it turned out so I figured I'd share how I did it in case someone else wants to try. Step 1 :  I gathered up all the things necessary to for this project.  Paper to protect the surface scissors lamp knob ( I found this o...
Read more